Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
In other news I saw a pack of make believe zombies walking down green st.
gotta love wednesdays
I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
He just slept in my bed for a couple hours and asked lots of questions about gay sex. No, I do not have his number.
After New Year's Eve I will be hibernating my life away. Only wake me up for skiing, schnapps, and sex. In that order.
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
He jumped into a mall fountain. I don't think that warrants a lifetime ban or the disorderly persons charge, but whatever. Fuck you Pennsylvania.
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
If I make it through this whole bridesmaid process without anyone knowing that I actually hate everyone but the bride, including the groom, I deserve a complimentary bottle of vodka.
HE LIVES IN ANOTHER STATE
actually scratch that last text, he's the perfect boyfriend. He stays faithful and doesnt find out about all the guys here. it's a win-win
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
Randomize
