The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
I had 800 mg of ibuprofen 2 b vitamins and I'm pounding water like I'm trying to win a hazing
He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
So do I get to ride the beginning of the November stache or what?
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
not only was there glitter in the toilet after i peed, but there was some on the toilet paper after i wiped. this cant be healthy.
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
Randomize
