ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.
she might purposely get aids just to give it to you. I think she might hate you that much.
Every time a song comes on I get sad if glee has not a cover of it
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
She's an ex-convict. She actually got stabbed in the face with a pen while in prison. No big deal.
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
You didn't act like you were blacked out yesterday...
I didn't know
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
All you had to say was "damn dude that looks fun, I miss ice fishing." But you sent a picture of poop. Classy
I forced myself to puke in my garbage can, and the next day I bought a new one and burnt the old one. You could say it was a rough night
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
I’m good. I learned that a guy ate the mushrooms that were growing out of his toilet, so there’s that.
Randomize
