my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
franzia sundays are my new favorite holiday
ya i guess you have to take things with a grain of salt in a place where nipple clamps are the norm..
it's a drink the shower water kind of morning ...
you missed an awesome concert last night. some middle aged woman that was grinding on me kept trying to stick her hand down my pants. i ended up rewarding her tenacity by letting her hold onto it for a song, i think it made her night.
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
If there's so much of a hint of a whisper from somebody I didn't tell personally, I will cut off your balls with a chainsaw, cauterize the wound with a flaming rusty spoon, feed your balls to your dog, and feed them to you when he shits them out, capiche?
I want a bunch of melted cheese. or a penis. or a penis covered in melted cheese
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
I appreciate your acceptance of my lack of morals
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
Everyone needs to leave the house so I can use the good vibrator without being judged.
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
Randomize
