Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me
What? You're not speaking real words.
I wish i was in the wii world.
no seriously. she's even got the premier of the real L word on her calendar at work. that lesbian.
I was mid-pee and he walked in, claimed he was looking for his phone, and then asked if we could hook up since we were finally alone.
so yall hooked up?
thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
Also he didn't buy condoms after we ran out last week. Luckily I had one, but I told him he should be more optimistic about getting laid
How long until you're healed?
Physically? A week or so. Emotionally? The scars of dislocating my knee at a frat and flashing my panties to the whole crowd wi never heal.
Is it too much to ask for 10 minutes of privacy while I masturbate?
Randomize
