i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
He kept asking me to take off my bra and I sat up so he could. He fumbled with it for a few minutes and when I sighed and went to undo it he goes, "Yeah, you got this."
My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
According to last night if you on the sidewalk at 12 a|m\nYour a WHORE !
Just once id like to sleep with a man who i havent thrown up on
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
Thats stupid. Your future is a life of less pay for the same work. Free drinks is how capitalism reimburses women for its inequality. & youre not even taking it!
I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister.
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
yeah....try hearing them in person. it sounds like two muppets going at it
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