You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
Only I could do what I did last night and feel perfectly ok working around children the next day
He acted like he was sleep fucking because I woke up to him screwing me in the middle of the night and he had is eyes closed and was mumbling things the whole time and wouldn't respond to me.
Is that even possible?
I called him by the wrong name to test him and he instantly stopped, rolled over and acted like he was still sleeping...I think he might break up with me tomorrow.
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
I remember because you made a pirate noise when you came.
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
Alvin just won tickets on the radio. I guess he's out of jail.
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
Randomize
