my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
I just made a friends list on fb of all the guys ive hooked up with. genius.
you will always have a special place in my vag
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
It's embarrassing enough people in my life are aware of the ridiculous things that happen to me. I don't think we need to get the whole world involved.
I snapchatted his face mid sex. Needless to say, I don't think I'll ever see him again.
I just had to kick out lesbian wedding crashers. They literally wanted to punch me. I threatened to call the cops so they went outside and smoked a joint.
It's official. I'm gonna fuck hot art class guy. But this won't be like hot Samsung guy. I'm gonna make sure I follow through this time.
I think it's important to not involve Bar Food in any near future decisions.
i just used a selfie stick to take an ass pic. i hate myself.
WHEN THE HELL DOES ANYTHING IN OUR LIVES *EVER* GO AS PLANNED???
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
Randomize
