drunk making out is the fucking beeeest. specially when it's your exboyfriend
I wonder if you'll be as excited about this as you are now tomorrow morning.
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
I already have one guy that I have regrettable sex with. I don't need another.
Just high watching the holiday fireplace channel. My space heater lends authenticity to the fire experience. Come over.
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
I was short on money so I let my roommate mase me for $60
If you really wanted to hide the fact you were gay, you could have at least had the sense to not get drunk in the same bar as your bf.
I'm not a horrible person, I just see what everyone chooses to politely ignore.. And occasionally say it aloud whilst deeply intoxicated.
I hope it's socially acceptable to wear a mesh one piece into last call tonight?
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Hey can you text me Heidi's phone number. I just stapled her mattress to the wall and I want to send her a picture of it.
I'm just trying my hardest not to get addicted to drugs or pregnant and all your other friends are out there getting married
I only want to come over for sex and blueberry pancakes
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
I just realized u compared me to a coconut
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