Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
About to find out how well alcohol and lazer tag mix.
I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
I'm going to leave the fate of whether I go to my midterms up to my dealer hitting me up or not
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
My serious response to your Cathy tattoo inquiry- Do you ever want to get laid by someone not wearing a Blossom style bucket hat? Tattoo accordingly.
i would stab him if he didn't just tell me he is a priest
You can't die you're my only democrat family member
Haha I'M GOING TO MISS HIS PENIS SO MUCH. But not his bipolarness.
3.5 bazillion penises. So not that hard to find a new good one
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
Randomize
