I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
They asked if I was about to puke and my response was to laugh and suddenly throw up. Continuing my asshole streak I kept laughing while still vomiting.
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
Ok... I'm a little jealous... Grab her pig tails and ride her like a jet ski. Making motor noises is optional.
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
jut tell him gently that you'd rather spend more time with his dick than his face
We dug deep emotionally while eating cereal
No more weed for you
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
I'll accept that I'm a woo girl. Just not the drunk cowboy hat wearing bar mongering twat bag type
They weren't kidding when they said "Go Army Strong." Best sex I ever had.
I was told I look like trouble once and that was by a fireman at the sex show. I was carrying two beers and a penis pinata.
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
There’s a child, alone, sitting on a picnic table out there, making bird noises
Randomize
