With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.
i knew it was time to leave when he woke me up only wearing pooh bear oven mitts and holding a plate of thank you pancakes
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
I want to be done crawling through windows but the sex is too good to stop...but I'm running out of excuses for where the bruises on my legs are coming from.
he is like the poster child for std's. god i hope he meets a girl with teeth in her vag. that would serve him right
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
People shouldn't leave you two alone together. You're just going to end up having sex.
This girl braided my pubes while i was asleep. Now i cant get them undone.
Under no circumstances is tits McGee to make that kind of decision about my life!
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
I fucked a marine... I told him it was like personal revenge and he said he could live with that and that he didn't mind being used.
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
Randomize
