Tonight I think I'm going to go out with a french braid so I don't wake up with puke hair. Thoughts?
And your mom thought you weren't even thinking about your future... she would be proud
You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
and now i get to think about how i fulfill a gay man's harry potter fantasy. thanks for that
also, add "teaching boys to sext" to my charity work
Ran out of plates, so I'm using my sociology notes. Looks like they will finally have a practical use.
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
It's a whole movie about Joseph Gordon-Levitt watching porn and having sex... I NEED to own it..
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
You've had it in your mouth, how have you not seen it?
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
Randomize
