can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
Then you screamed "fuck her like shes not your sister tonight" at the people walking down the road.
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
Me and your penis are best friends. You don't know it, but I whisper my secrets whenever I give you blowjobs. We even have a secret handshake. We can't be separated from each other. We just can't.
It's home.......I'm going to the store in disguise to get skittles and cake frosting. Then I'll eat the frosting in a dark corner while I cry and wonder what I did to deserve this.
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
Watching a guy masturbate in real time is a lot less theatrical than porn had me to believe.
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
As a courtesy going forward if you could not bang in my house that would be nice
It's only 9 and these two girls are already walking around Walmart barefoot and holding their heels. WE NEED TO STEP IT UP.
If it makes you feel any better, I can't find the goldfish I dropped like five minutes ago.
Randomize
