"romantic friends" sounds more classy then friends with benfits
i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
Yea, remember to blow out the fire from flaming shots. Unless you want burnt lips. Just saying, I'm an example of ignorance and intoxication.
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
I thought that u needed a break due the fact that your nipples were bleeding
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
Randomize
