So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
There's a "art of the blow job" class in the city. We should go
Baby, I'm all set with that. That would be like trying to teach bruce lee how to kick someone in the head
Do you understand how much easier life would be if fannypacks were normal
i just walked in on him masterbating..to a picture of me. that definitely has to be true love.
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
High enough to ask the woman at best buy if she ever feels like she's swimming. and telling the man outside that he smells like happy juice.
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
Good dick will make you do a lot of things… Great dick will make you consider buying a house.
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
Well, let me first tell you that jack and cokes were ONE FUCKING DOLLAR.. It's like the club wanted me to make poor choices.
Randomize
