If a girl drunk dials you she's at least entertained the idea of sleeping w/ you correct?
YES
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
I'm bringing cupcakes to work today as an apology for my actions at the bar last night, my boss probably can't look at me the same ever again
So what's going on?
We hit boys town to get stupid. I mean invading Iraq stupid.
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
'twas the night before moms weekend and all were blacked out. Not a coug was sober not even farm house. I was down to fuck but you were not in sight, so I bid pullmania a sweet goodnight.
This doesn't mean I'm going to attempt to find happiness with smooshy dick
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
Until you have had Country Grammar stuck in your head whilst writing a Supreme Court brief you've never lived.
BILL GATES DONALD TRUMP LET ME IN NOW
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
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