when we were having sex and i started crying and telling you i missed you..why couldnt you stop and tell me how you felt or make me feel better?you kept going...
I think the world might be a better place if everyone was capable of having open relationships.
This guy behind me is answering all of her questions. I may give him a lapdance to take my next test for me
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
You didn't act like you were blacked out yesterday...
I didn't know
I saw a kid peeing outback so I yelled "you have a small pecker, but its ok cuz when life gives you lemons..." and proceeded to throw lemons at him
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
I just got a lap dance from a sexy cop in return for giving him his sunglasses back. I think this is going to be the beginning of a really great friendship
I use my feet as sexual weapons
yeah....try hearing them in person. it sounds like two muppets going at it
Randomize
