Running into every girl no one would hook up with here at rick's. Typical.
The girls stopped by my apartment. They caught me naked with a nearly empty bottle of vodka in one hand, drawing crop circles in the carpet with the vacuum.
im so bored in class... i just made a pie graph of my favorite bars and a bar graph of my favorite pies
There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
She just messaged me 19 sad faces.
Oh no I havn't even told you about the naked asians yet
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
My time here is complete. I think I have now thrown up in every major degree programs building
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
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