she has a tiny mouth but huuuge vocal chords
A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
No. Especially when my uncle started stripping. Too many shots. So that's where I get that from.
in case you havent found it already in honor of Toy story 3 we wrote ANDY on the bottom of your foot while you were passed out on the couch.
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
And I told him that even though were not together, if he has sex with anyone I would have sex with someone else, video tape it and send it to him.
Please tell me you're not home alone watching Glitter.
Can you see in?
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
The hint wasn't even a hint. it said "stop talking to her" that's pretty straightforward
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
Please don't throw the wedding bouquet at me
If this gives you any indication of my current state, I stopped at Meijer after work and bought funyuns, pregnancy tests and chocolate.
I woke up only wearing a Breaking Bad "Los Pollos Hermanos" apron he got from Loot Crate next to a 3 empty bottles of Zima,Jolly Ranchers, and a jar of coconut oil. Fernet is one hell of a party starter
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
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