I'm texring you during a blow job. She thinks I'm looking shit up. Fml. Ftw.
they need to just BURY HIM!
I think you should know he took my pants (buttons and zippers included) and my thong off with his mouth alone. I found my husband
Yea went to the bars and he called me 2 hours later with random people saying he is at a place that i don't think exists
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
yeah except there is a correlation between drinking moonshine and going blind, which kind of concerns me
Haha, apparently they frown upon male strippers there. Bouncers couldn't catch me tho.
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
I'm going through a really dark time right now
I don't want to hear it man. I just jerked it to a pic of my ex wife in a bikini. Buck up
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
Must say, as a couple, she and I are thrilled that our pretend lesbianism has paid off.
We got stuck in traffic in the tunnel while we were smoking weed. We were afraid to air out the car.
He spilled some of his beer on your shoulder then proceeded to lick it off. By the face you made, I don't know if you were completely horrified or really turned on.
Try sleeping with him.
Why is it that all my gay friends have that solution...
Cuz you will have an answer or have sex.
Randomize
