gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
Jerry just sent me this: IOR GHIT ALL THE BUTTIB. Go get him. Now.
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
bleeding from the face, sitting in a shopping cart and holding a wad of ripped caution tape. what else would i be doing?
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
I'm not sure if it was the 11 shots or your naturally vibrant personality but I recall you being quite noisy that evening
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
He took my virginity but also my remaining pizza. i dont know how to feel right now.
Tinder in Coventry is like browsing a gallery of mugshots from Azkaban
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
I passed out in my bed, but woke up on the dog bed,with no pants, snuggling with toilet paper and a bottle of softsoap. Ive hit a new low.
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
Randomize
