I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
You guys need to get along, there is no need for a pissing contest...We're all fucking each others ex's.
I found out what happened to that girls weave last night. It was draped over a bush in my backyard.
He came out in cowboy boots and underpants holding a beer while he hugged my mom. I love Montana.
You're not on my level until you shop at Petsmart for sex accessories.
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
Seriously if we go to rome ur fucking me into the sunset on a wrought iron balcony overlooking Vatican City
ALL I WANT IN MY MOUTH IS A GLORIOUS COCK SMOTHERED IN CHOCOLATE. DICK AND CHOCOLATE; IS IT TOO MUCH FOR A GIRL TO ASK FOR?!
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
Randomize
