I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
giving him head while hes talking to his fiancee on the phone about inviting me to their wedding.... im invited. should i go or would that be wrong?
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
i think we should start charging the bum that sleeps on our porch rent..
If by "in control" you mean him showing-up to work wasted, calling a customer a "fuckstick," and getting fired on the spot? Then yes, he is.
If anyone ask I'm rushing for brotherhood, not so that this bartender will suck my dick
I could of sworn you were praying in the strip club.
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
Married dude I had an affair with 10yrs ago was at table next to us at dinner last nite. My mom asked him to take a pic of us & then commented how cute he was as they left. Do I tell her he’s got a huge D too?
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
MY GUT IS TELLING ME YES AND SO IS MY VAGINA
Randomize
