even if everyone didnt know them screaming eskimo brothers and high fiveing over my head kinda gave it away
You act like this is the first time i've fingered two 17 year olds at the same time
He tried to carry her to her room after she passed out, but when he picked her up she came back to, saw him, screamed rape and pulled out her vuvuzela app and blasting it like a rape whistle.
I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
Did he seem like the type of guy that would maybe take weed as payment?
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
My main goal for tomorrow night is to make it back into my own bed
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
I tried to suck your dick underwater and almost drowned
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
Randomize
