his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
hes like my own personal sex toy i use him on the weekends and then i have the option to put him away all week
Bachelor party turned 19 hour search and rescue in the mountains. nbd
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
My walk of shame was four miles long and I had to stop for a water break. I am the picture of class.
Just convinced a housekeeper at work to set up her 401k. Gotta start hittin the gb every morning before work. Happy 420
Dude what is wrong with me. I'm like a strong independent woman and shit.
I don't know..He walked out of your room with a kraft single..and blood on his shirt...He really wanted cheese.
whatever, tonight I’ll be getting my ass eaten by an aussie so we good
i think i just naturally attract stoners
Randomize
