How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
i spent my evening searching "the sims having sex" on youtube
we're no longer friends
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
I am slightly proud of the fact his mom turns on the dryer located behind the spare bedroom EVERY time we visit!
Any chance I can buy my dignity back with $45?
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
the bouncer just handed me a Starbucks bag of pound cake
There's hope in those eyes, for a better tomorrow or more cocaine, we may never know, but there's hope.
I just had a 30-minute convo with an irrelevant fuckboy from college who decided to tell me FOUR years later he’s sorry for sleeping with 3 girls at once including me.
I need your help immediately! I sorta kinda sliced my foot off at the ankle with my new kitana. Bring your cooler, ice and some hospital road beers.
Randomize
