I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
You know, be my cock's hype man.
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
Didn't get the job. Searched for my references on FB and saw the pic of me weighing my head passed out.
This Alex the guy who suck your belly ring
I think my favorite day of the week is the day we get to fuck
I just want to return to LA when the weed and dick is plentiful.
One sec I was having the time of my life, the next I was shitting water
Was picked up in the middle of a bar full of people...apparently I'm not tall enough to reach for drunken makeouts. I'm proud of myself.
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
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