if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
How many times do you have to sleep with a guy before you get him to kiss you???
she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
I'm such a fucking super-fan. I was worried his cum would wash away his autograph.
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
I WISH WE COULD PLAY THE DRINKING GAME TOGETHER AND THEN BANG FOR AMERICA.
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
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