I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
no more hot dogs for you........
fine no more vajj for you
halloween costumes for girls are easy, slutty teacher, slutty cop, slutty nurse, etc...
exactly, that's why i want something interesting
slutty neuroscientist?
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
Rush week is fine, only the t-shirts are white and if it rains, the frat boys in their lawn chairs will be treated to 800 freshmen girls in their first wet tshirt contest.
Welcome to college.
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
I feel bad for her. If you sacrifice and have a chubby husband I feel that you assume he's not going to cheat on you....
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
We have ur drink. Mom passed out in the bathroom. I'm goin to the other bathroom. Bs at the top of the stairs on way outside.
Randomize
