I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
he threw mangos from the tree he was in at people and got arrested for harassment
Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
I thought short asians scared me, however seeing my first tall asian I'm terrified.
This is the first time since last march I'm gonna be going to a class for more reasons than wanting to bone the girl sitting next to me.
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
You were sad because he was "taking it out on the plant"
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
"I wasn't planning on buying a chicken, but I bought it anyway." --some guy on the bus with a chicken
"Yeah, I only have nine toes." --that same guy
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
If someone told me one person in the department was secretly a death eater, I would suspect her, no contest.
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
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