How fat would you say she has to be before I can consider this a threesome
also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
you were chalanging people to drink the "worlds biggest jager bomb" - a VASE of Redbull and a PINT of Jager... is it no wonder you dont remember anything?
He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
He's really hot. I think he's gonna be my reason to shave this winter.
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
I'm making him come over again tonight. I don't know how long this thing will last so I want to spend as much time with his dick as possible.
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
I'm sitting in the breakroom facing a very large sign that says "inappropriate workplace behaviors", and i can't help but feel like it is directed at me
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
Banging to Billy Joel pandora is like russian roulette. But I made him cum to Let It Be so I we both walked away victors
I called him my big strong man today. It's all downhill from here. Matching Christmas sweaters, here we come
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