Came home to a chalk baord that read:" Think like a rapist." Can't say I'm surpirsed.
yeah worst sex in my life. plus i think her little brother was in the room.
just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
How much did you drink?
Enough to be hungover and still think roller coasters were a good idea
FYI, Sammie and I made the executive decision that we're getting a pet octopus and keeping it in the ballpit. Just thought you should know.
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
I rolled over and my thoughts became words and I said "oh fuck not you again" he didn't think that was too kind and asked me to leave
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
Wait, cocaine is okay but tanning isn't?
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
She was topless, yelling this is Sparta, threatening to push her dad into the sewer. I am pretty sure she won't be at school.
my vagina can't handle any more of our 4 day long smash bash. it should be like a holiday or something. should only happen once a year.
The Adderall says yes, but my body says no.
Randomize
