we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
You act like this is the first time i've fingered two 17 year olds at the same time
Why is your signature on my underwear?
I spent an hour trying to convert bar outfits to church outfits. Its hard.
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
Its summer. Time to get to the freshmen before the weight does.
Is it wrong i wouldn't sleep with him because his boxers said #1 dad all over them?
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
Her ass is the reason I still believe in a higher power
Haha no we did it on his bed. Then rolled off into the bean bag. It was a strangely athletic performance on my behalf.
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
He ain't mine yet. Gotta have a third date before I pee on him and mark territory.
Oh. Wait. That happened on the second date.
Randomize
