just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
For sure. We should see if we can get Mike to pay for one, and have a triple kegger... :o==& (that's future me projectile vomiting. i try to be goal oriented)
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
Yes, that was me on the jumbo tron. No, i don't know why i was hiding.
I know now the amount of smoke it takes to set off the fire alarm....no longer worried about using the bong...not even close
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
One good thing about being a mom now, I can tell which guys I'm dating were breastfed and which weren't... By the way they latch on to my breast during sex! Kinda kills the mood.
Of course I will... FYI I just gave my balls a crew cut.
Any chance I can buy my dignity back with $45?
One minute we were ordering sandwhiches. The next hes peeing in a trash can yelling at kids about how tv made him this way
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
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