I think i peed on brittanys purse
So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
He did not want a thank you for helping me move in bj. I don't know how to thank him now.
The attempted closet masturbation was unforgivable.
That was the most fucked up I've ever seen him. He had the fucking Canola Oil!
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
I wonder what dick looks like without astigmatism?
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
Moms passed out wet and naked in a rocking chair again....
Randomize
