just took my ibuprofen with ramen broth, yay college
Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
i just rolled a joint on the giving tree. that book has given me so much.
She passed out in my bed last night before anything happened. She felt really bad about that, so she gave me head when we woke up this morning.
He doesn't fuck you and he's married, why do you keep letting him cum all over your stomach?
In the hopes he'll just put it in one day?
what part of 'taking a night off' includes MDMA in your world?
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
I shit myself. Legit. And I burnt my tongue. Unrelated incidents, but related in the sense of general discomfort.
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
there is puke in my bra ... again
I had a threesome with my hot neighbor and his GF and by threesome I mean I heard them getting it on in their apartment and I was in my apartment with a vibrator
and I may have moaned his name loud enough that they heard me because now he won’t make eye contact
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