Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
The is a pregnant woman in this Chipolte wearing a shirt that simply says ‘OOPS!’ across the tummy.
That baby is bound to be under-loved.
so my doctor just swabbed my throat, and he looked up in suprise when i had no gag reflex. yea, he just judged me.
I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
Worst hangover of my career vs the return of the blue balls. Will keep updated
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
CAN I WEAR ASSLESS CHAPS TO SUNDAY BRUNCH OF JUDGEMENT????
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
I'm not in it for just the sex. If I wanted mediocre dick once a week I would have stayed with one of my exes.
Leaves on the ground. Coffee in one hand and your man in my other. Lovely fall morning.
Im so sorry for peeing on your chest.
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