There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
The project manager just came into talk to me for the first time and I had justed googled best drum solo ever and couldn't X out of the screen.
You know those ponds where you go and pay $5 and your guarranteed to catch a fish thats how i describe her
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
I just passed a truck with its bed lined with a tarp and filled with water with six dudes chilling in the back driving through campus. That looks fun.
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
That guy has been pretty randomly in and out of my vagina for 4 years...I don't think I'm required to tell him when I'm dating.
Good point.
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
Can we skype so I'm not drinking alone?
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