I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
She said she didn't think she should have to shave either. Guess no shave November just became no sex November.
Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
I hope to God 2011 is the year I stop loving tequila.
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
Let us ponder on the good times. Ya know when the Jonas brothers were incapable of growing facial hair and I didn't fully understand what a dick looks like
We exchanged spring break stories last night. Open relationships are the best.
i found waldo and immediately set him to work eating me out. please have more out of season costume parties.
Sincerely. Thanks. You could have thought of anyone sitting on your face but you chose me. :)
This weekend was amazing, 4 confirmed pukings, 2 cops, 3 hookers, one photographed t-bagging of the groom, and a night in an illegal gambling house.
I wish I just waited long enough to hate someone to fuck one
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