Hey sorry i havent responded. i threw up on my phone while i was sleeping
what are you wearing?
Just my guilt
This is how scared I get when I ride roller coasters. And how scared I was when I had to poop when I had herpes.
Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
at least you know where his tattoos end, so it wasn't a complete waste of time.
Seriously, I'm making a calendar and marking off the days with little penis's
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
However today I got my lube that might I add was dripping out of the box. I'd like to think my mailman was mixing business with pleasure.
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
I would totes reciprocate the nip pic, but I'm sick with a piece of tissue shoved up one of my nostrils and I'm just not feeling that ambitious. Sorry.
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
You tried to tip the Uber driver with a meatball sub. Then, when he refused your meatball sub...you demanded he take you to the corner with the hookers. The valet has your keys and water balloons. I'm glad you're only in Chicago for the weekend.
I don't want to date him...I just want him to cheat on his girlfriend with me.
Randomize
