actually, I'm a sock model
Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
So the bros are yelling at another bro to get that dildo off the roof. And there is indeed a dildo looking object on the roof.
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
we are still finding bottels filled with his pee. tom almost drank the one in the frig
The sign say "Kereoke" strip bar. 5 more beers and ill be ready to rumble.
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
Randomize
