Had a 3 sum last night, and today food just taste better and the air seems so much fresher!
i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
Ya know, sometimes when he kisses me in public I want to scream "HE DRIVES A PORSCHE!" so people watching understand that I don't have low standards, I'm just very materialistic.
When it gets to the point that I'm more comfortable being naked at his house than my own, it's time to readdress the fuckbuddyship.
well I think it'll pretty much be gone by Saturday. On a scale of 1- Snooki's unborn child how much do periods freak you out?
Ok, I have three hours. I'm trying to work out two blow jobs and a taco.
I'd do them all but honestly I'm so high that I probably should have a chaperone.
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
I'm not saying it wasn't great. I'm just saying sleeping with a gassy, depressed,45 year old mother was a different experience. Would do it again though.
Randomize
