question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,
We're knee deep in HJ's right now.
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
We just reached that moment of the night when you start making cookie quesadillas. Party on Wayne
Yeah that doesn't involve enough booze, count me out
Your children are clinging to me like my teets are full of bountiful milkiness. They're driving me nuts. I felt my uterus shrivel up.
You kept sacrificing me last night. You would just yell out "Virgin Sacrifice!!" and then throw me into a circle of men.
It was like, once I started flashing you, I couldn't stop.
Hey I’m obsessed with Charlie Heaton from stranger things...not because he got caught at the border with coke...okay that’s a lot of it
Once again I let my vagina make the decisions...that and vodka :(
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
Randomize
