would it be inappropriate to describe you with the phrase "bigass titties"?
Just ate applesauce I laced with percocets for dinner. I'm pretty sure my grandmother does the same thing.
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
It's a Lindsey's Going to Jail Theme party.
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
Lab coat again saves the day - hiding embarrassing shart evidence...
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
He burst in the bathroom while I was peeing to hand me my beer I was looking for earlier tht night. And my pants were already down so I thought why not
Omg. I'm living macklemores best life. I have someone's granddads dog, I'm about to have someone's grandmas car. I look incredible.
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