Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
Soo both my 8 year old sister and fuck buddy are named Sarah..
this can't be going anywhere good
nooope. guess which one i texted last nite to come over so i could "punish her pussy"? =\
WTF?! TAYLOR SWIFT JUST WON ARTIST OF THE YEAR OVER MICHAEL JACKSON?! WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?!
so i had a hang over on saturday and i stayed in the shower for 4 hours, then crawled out, skimpered to my bed, and some kid i didnt know was sleeping in it
I have fifteen cents in cash and 80 cents in the bank. BUT I have weed.
it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
He just laughed at his drink laid on the floor and crawled to the bathroom
P.S. The slutty NASCAR driver costume will be saved and used year round for role play.
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
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