Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
She tags her boyfriend in all of her pictures on her heart...
can we get together and have a vodka water gun fight? i need to get som intense excersise/alcohol
the lady next to me just sniffed my hair, smiled, and then fell asleep. I almost started crying from that kind of creepiness
don't cry, we can learn from her
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
I don't think it counts as a walk of shame when it's someone you've wanted for 4 years. That's mission accomplished.
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
He walked up to anal ring toss like he was going to win you a teddy bear
Two really nice girls helped clean the taco out of my hair.
no body wants to do anything today cause it's too cold, but a guy can only masturbate so many times a day. Ya know
It's like sleep walking but with blowjobs
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
Pretty sure one of my drivers stopped to get laid while he was delivering a pizza. Is it appropriate to give him a write-up AND a high-five?
Randomize
