i just won an entire level on word mole with the word 'clitoris'
i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
The bartender gave me the kids toys. Paddle ball & a gecko.
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
Tip of the day: Don't ever send a bootycxall at 3 in aftnoon. No one will respond n u'll just feel fooolish.
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
So I went tanning and I burned my boobs.
They're like sad pomegranates.
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
I ripped off the screen and literally supermaned through my bedroom window. That wasted
I'll never lecture you, go get that dick baby girl make momma proud,I didn't raise no quitter
I don't think he knows you can have sex sober...
They call you PBJ boy because you were trying to seduce me with pieces of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Successfully might I add.
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