Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
Is it 'vaginas' or 'vaginae?'. Either way there were a shit ton of them.
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
please come upstairs a drunk asian is lying down n the middle of my room and i don't know him
Mm. I just want to eat pancakes off of his fine ass.
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
Her blow jobs are legen wait for it seriously like 9 people I know brag about them dary
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
Randomize
