Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
I don't know if it's lucky or if it really just makes my tits look THAT good, but I've never NOT gotten laid with this bra on
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
Of course it may just be the context. A dish of dog food would look lovely next to your breasts.
I was on all fours trying to empty the bowl we smoked into the sewer when your neighbor came out, but besides that it went smoothly
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
She showed me her tits outside Taco Bell....After she flashed the dude working there in an effort to get in.
CRAIGSLIST IS NOT THE ANSWER
IM LONELY AND HORNY
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
Welcome aboard the S.S. struggle. I'll be your captain for today's voyage and Jeremy is your first mate. Just sit back and relax while we navigate the seas of drunken regret. Your forecast for the day is violently hungover with a chance of "shit, that really did happen!"
How's the party?
I'm watching two people get flogged. Sothere's that.
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