what time did you get home last night?
SO late...when your in the lap of a 35 year old superstar you loose track of time
He said to me " i could be your father but i dont care"...it was so hott
i just woke up with two martini umbrellas taped to my nipples... idk how they got there
We're playing Big Buck Hunter to determine who buys the next pitchers. And they said video games wouldn't help me later in life
I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
So i realized that if i bought everything from my google search history for the past week i would have a dolphin, a wolf costume, a unicorn costume, a katana and a bullet proof vest. Not sure how the dolphin would fit in but the rest of it would end up in one awesome night or someone would die. Either way i say we do it.
A drawer in my room has nothing but a large feather quill, a wine glass, and a 15" Bowie knife. If you could put my life in a drawer I think that would be it.
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
We're sort of like brothers. Except with more sexual tension. And we don't look alike. Or are related.
So we're not much like brothers really.
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
Randomize
