erin looks like she hung out with the sham wow guy last night. she's got the beat up hooker look goin' on
it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
Fucking Canada. At least when they wake up tomorrow they're still in Canada
he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
through my window right now you can see the hot chick next door is standing BUTT ASS NAKED eating peanut butter off a knife.
ill be there in 5.
I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
i wish i had the videos of us pissing on him last night.
Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck.
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
I am never going on a blind date ever again. He drank way too much and kept telling me I had a nice boob. Like.. Singular. What's the other one? The ugly twin?
I'm actually drinking gin and juice out of a floridas natural carton...so if that has any indication of how I'm doing
If they were bad they leave that night, if they were good they get a gold star, and if they were great they get invited back. Simple.
I don't know if should be sitting on a toilet or kneeling in front of it
You had 10 drinks. On a first date.
I just masterbated then started bawling.
And as the acid sets in, he looks back at the shallow form he used to call his and whispers "3 pee pees strong"
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
Randomize
