Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
I've gone to the bathroom 3 times. And forgot to pee. 3 times. Let's say we call it a night, I need to be found. I see a fish tank by the bar and some stairs.
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
Just got home, my brothers stoned and he got a high score on COD.. He just asked me if I wanted to have a celebrational yogurt with him. Wtf?
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
You took your pants and underwear off as soon as we got to Melissa's and just walked around the entire time like it was completely normal. We even ate pizza together with your vagina exposed. You're my hero.
Can I say it was a great night out of town? Fucking my co-worker in the hotel bed while my best friend is fucking his friend on the floor and a random guy is laying in the other bed meanwhile we are all passing a joint back and forth
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
Randomize
