did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
He gets a blow job and all I get is a huge scar on my arm ... how is this fair?
STOP TELLING PEOPLE I PEED ON YOU
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
We just broke into a lion king sing along. Understanding is not possible.
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
All you need is a handful of lube and an open mind
Is a coke binge Whole30 approved?
I JUST HAD TO SNORT THE REST OF MY BAG OF COKE BECAUSE THE BAG RIPPED IN THE WORK BATHROOM.
I'm guessing you feel amazing due to all the caps?
LETS GET THIS SHIT DONE. IM GONNA GET THIS SHIT DONE, FOREVER.
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
Soooooooo high. David tried to rinse the water droplets out of the sink for 5 minutes
Randomize
