i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
Oh come on. There's no way I was the only female choir student taking shots in the back room.
He told me since I'm into organics I should know his meat is known locally for its quality and hes hand raised it since age 13.
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
I had to steal sneakers from my man of the night. I dipped. But then realized I left my purse in his house. So I had to stash the shoes in some bushes and wait for him on the stoop. Then after he watches me leave, I run back and get the shoes cuz I didn't wanna be taking my hour long journey home through London at 3 pm in my six inch wedges and club dress
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
Idk how much of a virgin he is but I'm tryna find out.
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
Why were u walkin around mc with a toilet bowl lid handcuffed to u and carrying a stuffed Teddy bear last night?
it wasnt weird until his dog watched upclose as i put a tampon in
His nipple licking is glorious
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