the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
I finally got her to squirt but it wasnt a stream, it came out in the form of mist. I felt like I was in rainforest cafe.
i thought i'd fucked her to death. no lie. she just stopped moving.
They got their marriage license when they were at the courthouse for her arraignment.
Dont care what i do tnt just as long as i get to chug a beer in somebodys face
You don't have anything to lose--we've established that he's not going to murder you and he smells good.
FridayRule: If it takes you longer than 5 minutes to find a parking spot, you don't have class today
Did you hook up with him before or after he shaved off half of his eyebrow?
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
We kind of broke a table making out. So yes, I'd say it was successful.
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.
Randomize
