I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
i have no idea who im with but someones making meatballs. im going to stay.
even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
No...this little piggys going to the bar
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
There's scrapes on the inside of both my thighs.. Because we wanted to get drunk and climb trees naked.
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
How do you keep manipulating these men into helping you?
I'm a massage therapist with an oral fixation. It's not nearly as hard as you make it out to be.
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
I mean, I want you to have freaky orgasmic fun to entertain me, but I don’t want you to risk HIV or car crashes
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
Good morning beautiful! Wanna steal a cat this weekend?
Randomize
